Open Letter

Dear Chicagoans and Populations of Nearby Villages and Neighborhoods:

You may have noticed the weather has recently changed from the near-record setting highs to more reasonable, yet still near-recording setting, November temperatures. Your reaction to this change has been quite interesting and may very well be studied by future generations when they take Overreaction 101 during their freshman year of college.

It has been said you have not seen a winter until you experience winter in Chicago. Given my first winter in Chicago was one of the snowiest and coldest in recent history, I can personally vouch for the intensity of the winters, most notably the fabled winds. Given this, one would naturally assume those who reside within the city or nearby suburbs would be rather used to cold weather, precipitation, and wind.

Your reaction to the recent cool-down suggests otherwise. While I agree it is most definitely jacket weather, I rebel against donning boots, hats, scarves, gloves, and full-length winter coats zipped up all the way so as to ward off the extreme 47 degree temperature. Really, people, add three more degrees and all of the sudden you think it is spring and Daisy Duke weather.

Additionally, while it is time to turn on the heat so as to avoid shivering all day and night, the thermostat does not need to be set on tropical temperatures. Wishing you were somewhere warmer and thereby attempting to alter your environment will not magically transport you to that beach in the Caribbean. You chose to live in Chicago and by doing so accepted the idea of four distinct seasons. There is no need for you to consume vast amounts of energy in an attempt to trick your mind into thinking you are somewhere else.

Complaining about the weather will do no good. It is not as if your complaints go on file and Mother Nature alters her practices if she receives enough requests/threats/etc to do so. The Earth rotates on its axis while traveling around the Sun. We are currently tilted away from the Sun and will be experiencing winter until such a time comes that we are once again tilted toward it. Galileo understood this and he did not have the same sophisticated technology we now posses.

Fellow citizens, it is time to accept the fact we have entered into the winter season. Please quiet your complaints, set your thermostat at a reasonable level, and don weather-appropriate clothing. We will be arriving at Spring in approximately 5 months. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

A Chicago Resident

P.S. On the note of non-outerwear attire, ladies, I do not care which fashion magazine told you sweatpants, Ugg boots, ratty t-shirts, and full makeup/hair/accessories is attractive, but you look like an idiot. You obviously woke up with plenty of time to properly clean and dress yourself (too much time, if your heavily made-up face and teased hair are any indication), yet you insist on dressing as if you are heading to a slumber party. Please outfit yourself with real clothes as soon as possible. Trust me, you will look better and most likely be warmer as well.