It's been one of those weeks.
I knew I would have times of struggle with my new job. I knew it wouldn't always be easy. I knew there would be times when my heart wasn't as giving and accepting as it should be. Knowing all of these things does not mean it is easy when they actually happen.
I believe I may be in the process of learning how to better put aside my personal perceptions and beliefs temporarily so that I may more fully understand and accept someone else's perceptions and beliefs. For example, I believe that when asking for something (especially a free something), one should be gracious and humble and grateful. I'm finding others believe that when asking for something, one can hold a sense of entitlement and be allowed to say whatever one likes.
I believe a true Christian life is marked by faith and trust and submission to God and my fellow man, not by how much I attend church and not by judging others as less Christian and therefore less deserving of being treated with dignity.
In conversations with clients this past week, I have been called unChristian on multiple occasions, I have been called a liar, I have been mocked, I have been labeled as threatening, I have been hung up on, and I have been accused of thinking I am better due to my education, employment, and relative financial stability.
While I do not agree with any of the above, the logical, analytical, (annoying), fair side of me understands that in all of the situations in which the examples I gave happened, I was in the position of authority and in all situations I was denying a request for financial aid. I really do get that most of the people we deal with are in serious crisis and feel trapped and are lashing out in a desperate attempt to simply survive. I fully understand that there are usually exterior circumstances that have contributed to the crisis situation. I get that sometimes you have to look at the very broad picture because the snapshot is misleading. That still doesn't mean people have a right to abuse me just because they don't like my answer.
It's been tough this week to not get caught up in the emotions and to just look at the black-and-white aspects of each request. Honestly, I've failed more than I've succeeded in putting emotion to the side. There was one day where I flat-out told my boss I was in no condition to make any decisions on financial requests; I made her very aware that if I were to have to make financial decisions that day that the choice I made would most likely not be fair to the client nor made in the spirit of our organization. I did not make any financial determinations that day. I'm thankful that I have a person I trust that much backing me up and supporting me.
I definitely know I am growing and changing and, hopefully, becoming an even better version of myself. But oh, growing hurts sometimes.
In other parts of my world, my Tuesday morning church class is officially 1/4 done. We're through the first of the four workbooks. I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed, but I am loving every minute of every class. We have our core group that attends class every week and we are starting to get to know each other well. This next book will only help us deepen our connections since we will be talking about and sharing our personal faith and life stories over the next 6 weeks. I'm excited.
My store has officially converted to a new type of store. Yayy!! We're now a 2-in-1... a full women's store and a full missy store in one location. The conversion was an exhausting process, but it's over and so far everything is going well. I am quite ready to be done with this particular job, but the job doesn't seem to be done with me, so I'll wait.
I have adopted a new group of deployed soldiers to send care packages to. This time around it is a bunch of guys aboard a frigate down by Colombia. I tend to adopt the soldiers that are serving somewhere other than the Middle East. Not that the guys in the Middle East aren't important; I just feel like that is where all of the focus is and we often forget that we have troops serving in locations around the world and it is just as hard for them to be away from home. My new group deployed quite recently, so I'll send out their first box sometime this week and then keep it up (about once a month) until they come home next spring.
Lastly, I am currently obsessed with this version of this song:
Much love!
~g