The question that has been beating on the inside of my head lately is quite simple in its phrasing and yet any potential answer is so complex I cannot even begin to fathom what it may be.
What could I do if I really tried?
Contrary to the popular, "What would you do if you won the lottery/had no limitations/had any one super power/etc." variations, the question that has been plaguing me has two distinct differences. "Could" and "tried".
What could I do if I really tried?
Like the rest of my family, I have been blessed with an average-to-above-average intelligence, decently varied and well-honed sets of skills and talents, and the ability to reasonably, if not always most efficiently, handle whatever comes my way. While all of these characteristics are truly blessings, they are also curses in that I have never really had to try.
Yes, I have had my struggles and yes, I have had some falls and failures, but for the most part my life thus far has been fairly easy and obstacle-free. I have been able to navigate much of the course with only one hand on the wheel. Not exactly something to complain about, I know, but detrimental none the less as I find myself in my mid-twenties with little understanding of who I am and what I am truly capable of, given a little passion and effort.
Take writing for example. When I was in grade school I felt I was destined to be a writer when I grew up and joined the mysteriously appealing order of adulthood. I was in writing clubs, some of which I co-founded. I read books well above my age level. In high school one side of my class ring showed our school mascot. The other showed a quill and parchment. I was born to be a writer.
Somewhere along the line, however, I either forgot I was born to be a writer, or I stopped caring. Writing became something I did only for tests and term papers. While it still came easily, passable work required very little time and effort, and thus very little time and effort was exuded.
Occasionally I have had flashes of my old passion and brilliance. I am truly proud of the work that has resulted from these moments. While most of my "work" is trash (when I choose to write at all), some is truly good and leads me to wonder, "What could I do if I really tried?" In the past year I have been compelled to really try with my writing twice. Both times resulted in something extraordinary. I have shared one of these results with the world. The other I keep for myself, at least for now.
Such success, limited as it may be, leads me to wonder about the rest of my life. What about a career and a mate and a family and a relationship with God? What about self-discovery, selfless living, and social awareness? What about emotionally, socially, and personally healthy choices? What about being the heroine of my story, rather than the longing observer?
What could I do if I really tried?
~g
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Observations
We have the worst interactions with customers on Sundays. There could be many reasons for this, but I have narrowed it down to the two that I think are the most plausible. First, we are only open for 6 hours on Sunday, versus the 11 hours we are open every other day of the week. The customer craziness and difficulty levels are concentrated on Sundays.
My other theory revolves around church. It seems almost as if our customers, after going to the morning service and taking in a late brunch at IHOP, feel like their sin for the week is absolved and therefore they can begin filling their slates again.
Ok, so that second one may be a bit of a stretch, but some Sundays I really do wonder.
My other observation of the day revolves around animals. I have always known that I find it hard to see an animal contained, but I was realizing today just how much I hate it when it was and continues to be my pet that is contained.
Tucker seemed to have a bit of upset stomach this morning. By that I mean several vomiting sprees all over the house. Everything he was attempting to eat or drink was coming right back up. Knowing I had to work all day and that Mom was going to be gone as well, Tucker ended up shut in the bathroom on the main floor. That bathroom is approximately 8' x 4', which includes the tub.
I moved in his litter box, his throne of pillows and blankets, and his water. For about 8 hours today I seriously restricted his activity and his ingestion. It seems to have done the trick, but since he was without food all day and is therefore attacking the little portions I have been giving him since getting home from work, he's remaining in the bathroom overnight. And I hate it. I feel terrible he's in such a tiny place and is completely alone. I really cannot stand to see animals confined.
Tomorrow is blessedly a day off! I get to sleep in... a project I'll start working on now!
Love!
~g
My other theory revolves around church. It seems almost as if our customers, after going to the morning service and taking in a late brunch at IHOP, feel like their sin for the week is absolved and therefore they can begin filling their slates again.
Ok, so that second one may be a bit of a stretch, but some Sundays I really do wonder.
My other observation of the day revolves around animals. I have always known that I find it hard to see an animal contained, but I was realizing today just how much I hate it when it was and continues to be my pet that is contained.
Tucker seemed to have a bit of upset stomach this morning. By that I mean several vomiting sprees all over the house. Everything he was attempting to eat or drink was coming right back up. Knowing I had to work all day and that Mom was going to be gone as well, Tucker ended up shut in the bathroom on the main floor. That bathroom is approximately 8' x 4', which includes the tub.
I moved in his litter box, his throne of pillows and blankets, and his water. For about 8 hours today I seriously restricted his activity and his ingestion. It seems to have done the trick, but since he was without food all day and is therefore attacking the little portions I have been giving him since getting home from work, he's remaining in the bathroom overnight. And I hate it. I feel terrible he's in such a tiny place and is completely alone. I really cannot stand to see animals confined.
Tomorrow is blessedly a day off! I get to sleep in... a project I'll start working on now!
Love!
~g
Monday, January 11, 2010
Redesign 2.05320185
Those of you who are observant may have noticed my blog has changed its looks once again. While I really liked the prior template, it did not always load correctly. The best Justin could determine was that the server/site/etc that hosts the images for that particular template occasionally would be shut down and, as a result, cause things to not load correctly on my blog. It was a small issue, but one that rather annoyed me. We'll see how this new template works.
One benefit of having multiple blogs and multiple templates over the lifetime of those blogs is that I've learned to read and alter HTML coding, in a rudimentary way, of course. I may ask Justin for some help with the coding for this blog but I've already altered it somewhat by myself. I love practicing new skills!
It's been a good couple of lazy days off. Starting tomorrow I work several closes in a row. Not the most fun, but manageable. I'm just glad I have Monday nights off. Mondays, silly and unimportant as it is, is the night that my favorite TV shows are on. If you don't know them already, make sure you check out "Chuck" and "Castle" at some point.
It seems the bitterly cold snap may be easing. We are getting into double-digit ambient air temperatures during the day. The feels-like temps are still in the single digits, but that's better than what it has been. In all honesty, the cold temperatures have not really bothered me. I am always well dressed for the weather when I leave the house, so the only time I really get cold is when I get off at 9 pm and the wind is whipping pretty good from the north and I have to sit in my car as it warms up a bit before I can drive home.
Speaking of which, how long do you need to let the car warm up so it's safe to drive without overly stressing the engine?
There's not much else to report. It's pretty quiet around here lately.
Laundry to do and chicken pot pie to make! I love homemade comfort food!
Love!
~g
One benefit of having multiple blogs and multiple templates over the lifetime of those blogs is that I've learned to read and alter HTML coding, in a rudimentary way, of course. I may ask Justin for some help with the coding for this blog but I've already altered it somewhat by myself. I love practicing new skills!
It's been a good couple of lazy days off. Starting tomorrow I work several closes in a row. Not the most fun, but manageable. I'm just glad I have Monday nights off. Mondays, silly and unimportant as it is, is the night that my favorite TV shows are on. If you don't know them already, make sure you check out "Chuck" and "Castle" at some point.
It seems the bitterly cold snap may be easing. We are getting into double-digit ambient air temperatures during the day. The feels-like temps are still in the single digits, but that's better than what it has been. In all honesty, the cold temperatures have not really bothered me. I am always well dressed for the weather when I leave the house, so the only time I really get cold is when I get off at 9 pm and the wind is whipping pretty good from the north and I have to sit in my car as it warms up a bit before I can drive home.
Speaking of which, how long do you need to let the car warm up so it's safe to drive without overly stressing the engine?
There's not much else to report. It's pretty quiet around here lately.
Laundry to do and chicken pot pie to make! I love homemade comfort food!
Love!
~g
Friday, January 8, 2010
A passing
Just down the escalator from Christopher & Banks and on the other side of the carousel in Crossroads mall sits Walden Bookstore. Walden's has been located in one of the most prime locations in the mall for as long as I can remember. I have spent many hours in Walden's over the years, first as a child eager for the newest Thoroughbred book, then as an adolescent, seeking new and different fiction (Say Goodnight, Gracie). Lastly as an adult, wandering the stacks and occasionally hitting on a new treasure (Out of Harm's Way).
In a few weeks Walden's will cease to exist. In the era of mega stores and Kindle, a small bookstore in the mall does not stand a chance. The College Square mall is also losing its bookstore, B Dalton. By the end of this month the only place in the Cedar Valley to peruse a wide variety of titles and authors will be Barnes & Noble. I find it a sad situation.
My lunch breaks of late have been spent in Walden's. My own book collection, as well as that of my family, has grown a bit as I have taken advantage of the deep discounts. It seems I cannot walk into Walden's these days without walking out with at least two or three books, lately purchased for a grand total of less than $10. I am proud to say my latest purchases for myself include three books I have never read, two of which are by authors I have never heard of. Additionally, a new Bible has been added to my collection, as well as a copy of the Koran. There are new stories and new discoveries in my future.
Another purchase at Walden's included a 5-year journal. I have been wanting, for several years, to acquire and begin keeping a perpetual journal, yet I always found the cost rather prohibitive. At 50% off, however, a very nice leather journal that is designed to last for 5 years suddenly seemed reasonable. I began keeping the journal on the first of January and have already found I enjoy reaching for it at the end of the night to record a few simple thoughts and descriptions of my day.
I am grateful that my parents, grandparents, teachers, and friends over the years have instilled and encouraged in me a love affair with books, bookstores, and the written word - be it someone else's writing or my own. I am sure my infatuation will last a lifetime. Perhaps this is why I truly feel mournful and compelled to write about the impending loss of Walden's. It is truly as if I am losing a very familiar friend.
My dear family and friends, I know most of you that have read this far know exactly why I feel the sadness I feel. I am sure at one time or another each of you has faced a similar loss - perhaps not of a bookstore, but of a place that helped shape your identity in some way. The emotion and bit of ourselves that we leave scattered in the places we visit and the things we own astounds me and yet seems perfectly natural as well. It's why I still have all of my Thoroughbred books and why I re-read and re-watch movies. It's why walking into Walden's feels like walking into home. I reconnect with who I used to be whenever I somehow reconnect with these places and these things that have a piece of me.
What is it that holds some of you? Which books? What places? I'd love to know.
~g
In a few weeks Walden's will cease to exist. In the era of mega stores and Kindle, a small bookstore in the mall does not stand a chance. The College Square mall is also losing its bookstore, B Dalton. By the end of this month the only place in the Cedar Valley to peruse a wide variety of titles and authors will be Barnes & Noble. I find it a sad situation.
My lunch breaks of late have been spent in Walden's. My own book collection, as well as that of my family, has grown a bit as I have taken advantage of the deep discounts. It seems I cannot walk into Walden's these days without walking out with at least two or three books, lately purchased for a grand total of less than $10. I am proud to say my latest purchases for myself include three books I have never read, two of which are by authors I have never heard of. Additionally, a new Bible has been added to my collection, as well as a copy of the Koran. There are new stories and new discoveries in my future.
Another purchase at Walden's included a 5-year journal. I have been wanting, for several years, to acquire and begin keeping a perpetual journal, yet I always found the cost rather prohibitive. At 50% off, however, a very nice leather journal that is designed to last for 5 years suddenly seemed reasonable. I began keeping the journal on the first of January and have already found I enjoy reaching for it at the end of the night to record a few simple thoughts and descriptions of my day.
I am grateful that my parents, grandparents, teachers, and friends over the years have instilled and encouraged in me a love affair with books, bookstores, and the written word - be it someone else's writing or my own. I am sure my infatuation will last a lifetime. Perhaps this is why I truly feel mournful and compelled to write about the impending loss of Walden's. It is truly as if I am losing a very familiar friend.
My dear family and friends, I know most of you that have read this far know exactly why I feel the sadness I feel. I am sure at one time or another each of you has faced a similar loss - perhaps not of a bookstore, but of a place that helped shape your identity in some way. The emotion and bit of ourselves that we leave scattered in the places we visit and the things we own astounds me and yet seems perfectly natural as well. It's why I still have all of my Thoroughbred books and why I re-read and re-watch movies. It's why walking into Walden's feels like walking into home. I reconnect with who I used to be whenever I somehow reconnect with these places and these things that have a piece of me.
What is it that holds some of you? Which books? What places? I'd love to know.
~g
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Roxy
Is fantastic. She's handling this winter weather and the driving conditions that go along with it like a real champ. A combination of black ice and turned wheels sent me into my worst and scariest a skid/slide/spin/something-or-other tonight, but I was able to correct and keep going in part due to good driving, but mostly due to Roxy's responsiveness and handling. Go me with my awesome car.
Work today was a joke. We were open from 10 am until 9pm, and in that 11 hour span had three, count them, THREE customers. One was an employee sale, one was an exchange, and one was a single article from the $9.99 rack. We made a grand total of $25.63(ish) today. I vacuumed the entire store really well, read a bit of a book, and wrote out the answers to the supplemental questions of a job application that is due tomorrow. I think I answered some of the multiple choice questions incorrectly, but for the life of me I cannot find my budgeting textbooks to use as a reference. Budgeting was my poorest class at UIC, so of course it is those books I cannot locate. Murphy is a work in my life I guess!
In my occasional, non-vegging out on the couch time, I am trying very hard to get my room in order. In the last few months I have cleaned my room and reorganized it several times, but to no lasting effect. There is simply too much in my room and too little storage. I think that problem has been corrected, however, with the subtraction of a rarely used piece of furniture, and the addition of a shelving unit and storage totes. I am off on Sunday and Monday, so the room will definitely get finished, including the hanging of several of my pictures and other room decorations.
That's about it. I guess this post will serve as a mini update until I have something more interesting to write about. What I really need to do is catch up with my 101 blog..... eek!
Love!
~g
Work today was a joke. We were open from 10 am until 9pm, and in that 11 hour span had three, count them, THREE customers. One was an employee sale, one was an exchange, and one was a single article from the $9.99 rack. We made a grand total of $25.63(ish) today. I vacuumed the entire store really well, read a bit of a book, and wrote out the answers to the supplemental questions of a job application that is due tomorrow. I think I answered some of the multiple choice questions incorrectly, but for the life of me I cannot find my budgeting textbooks to use as a reference. Budgeting was my poorest class at UIC, so of course it is those books I cannot locate. Murphy is a work in my life I guess!
In my occasional, non-vegging out on the couch time, I am trying very hard to get my room in order. In the last few months I have cleaned my room and reorganized it several times, but to no lasting effect. There is simply too much in my room and too little storage. I think that problem has been corrected, however, with the subtraction of a rarely used piece of furniture, and the addition of a shelving unit and storage totes. I am off on Sunday and Monday, so the room will definitely get finished, including the hanging of several of my pictures and other room decorations.
That's about it. I guess this post will serve as a mini update until I have something more interesting to write about. What I really need to do is catch up with my 101 blog..... eek!
Love!
~g
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Miracles do happen
Apparently my laptop is a fan of 2010 and merely wanted a nice long rest at the end of 2009. For no reason, and having done nothing to correct any problem, my supposedly dead laptop started tonight as if there had never been a problem.
I don't know how long this will last, but at least it gave me a chance to get completely backed up. If I should suddenly find myself computer-less again I don't have to worry about losing anything. However, I don't trust my laptop anymore and will continue to look for a new computer. It's about time for a different laptop anyway.
Today Mom got in a serious cleaning and rearranging fit. The main change happened in our front room. She and I cleared a lot of floor space and, with Justin's aid, Justin and Carrie's old TV was put back in service. The idea is the room now has enough space to comfortably work out in by following videos on the TV. A second TV with a DVD/VHS player is also simply a good thing as it allows Mom or I to enjoy videos even if Justin or Carrie are using their setup. Yayy for options!
The job continues to go well. I worked a lot of hours in December; both because of the seasonal shopping and because of some staffing shortages as people came down sick or went on vacation. This past week I went over 40 hours for the first time since I started the job. As a part-timer I'm guessing there will be a bit of an issue with my next paycheck, but the extra hours could not be helped. I certainly don't mind the hours and, more specifically, the paycheck that results from work.
Our Christmas and New Year's celebrations were nice, albeit small and quiet. Thank you everyone for the cards and letters and seasonal wishes. There are a few of you who have yet to receive my Christmas letter... I promise the last of my cards and letters will go out this week. Think of it as an extension to the season and the fun.
That's about all there is to report. Life is pretty mundane right now... get up, get ready, start the car and let it warm up forever, bundle up really well, go to work, work, sit in the parking lot while the car warms up, come home, dink around, go to bed, sleep, get up and do it all again. Woo!
Much love to you all!
~g
I don't know how long this will last, but at least it gave me a chance to get completely backed up. If I should suddenly find myself computer-less again I don't have to worry about losing anything. However, I don't trust my laptop anymore and will continue to look for a new computer. It's about time for a different laptop anyway.
Today Mom got in a serious cleaning and rearranging fit. The main change happened in our front room. She and I cleared a lot of floor space and, with Justin's aid, Justin and Carrie's old TV was put back in service. The idea is the room now has enough space to comfortably work out in by following videos on the TV. A second TV with a DVD/VHS player is also simply a good thing as it allows Mom or I to enjoy videos even if Justin or Carrie are using their setup. Yayy for options!
The job continues to go well. I worked a lot of hours in December; both because of the seasonal shopping and because of some staffing shortages as people came down sick or went on vacation. This past week I went over 40 hours for the first time since I started the job. As a part-timer I'm guessing there will be a bit of an issue with my next paycheck, but the extra hours could not be helped. I certainly don't mind the hours and, more specifically, the paycheck that results from work.
Our Christmas and New Year's celebrations were nice, albeit small and quiet. Thank you everyone for the cards and letters and seasonal wishes. There are a few of you who have yet to receive my Christmas letter... I promise the last of my cards and letters will go out this week. Think of it as an extension to the season and the fun.
That's about all there is to report. Life is pretty mundane right now... get up, get ready, start the car and let it warm up forever, bundle up really well, go to work, work, sit in the parking lot while the car warms up, come home, dink around, go to bed, sleep, get up and do it all again. Woo!
Much love to you all!
~g
Monday, December 21, 2009
For the record
Automatic traction control is amazing.
Driving down the middle of the highway, straddling the runway lines, going 45 MPH to avoid spinning out is awesome.
And these guys are fantastic:
The second video was filmed 10 years after the first. Totally wonderful.
Love!
~g
Driving down the middle of the highway, straddling the runway lines, going 45 MPH to avoid spinning out is awesome.
And these guys are fantastic:
The second video was filmed 10 years after the first. Totally wonderful.
Love!
~g
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas is so not in the air
I was working on the whole having Christmas spirit thing this year. I'm hoping it's not completely gone, but seriously, a job in retail this time of year kind of zaps one of all Christmas spirit.
I think the real spirit-killer is the parking lots. Why is it that, with a tad of snow and obscure parking stall markings, the general population feels it is acceptable to park willy-nilly, without any sense of maintaining straight lines or proper spacing between vehicles? Also, why do people suddenly feel is it alright to walk down the middle of the lane with their tiny, rambunctious children, ignoring the fact that a car's stopping time is greatly reduced on the slick surface of the snow?
Retail this time of year is not for the faint-hearted. The days are long, the customers stressed, and the sales plans ambitious and difficult to attain. Make sure you are nice to those serving you as you are buying your Christmas presents this year.
I'm learning many lessons about values and treatment of others through this job. I feel sorry for those customers who are harried and ragged and seemingly only at the mall and in our store because of some undesired obligation. I love working with those customers who are relaxed and happy and truly giving. Money can be spent and items can be bought and given, but all that really matters is the spirit in which all of this happens. So endeth the lesson of my retail job.
In other news, my car has a name. The name just came to me one day when I was coaxing my car to find some traction and start moving on the slick slush that followed the blizzard, and since then I have been referring to my car by the same name without thought. I figure the right name came to me at the right time and that I shouldn't argue or question. Henceforth, my forest green 1999 Chrysler LHS shall be known as Roxy.
Roxy's got a lot of weight to her but it doesn't hold her back. She's got amazing get-up-and-go and once she settles in and starts cruising she doesn't want to stop. She's got some attitude to her and will let you know if she's unhappy with something, but if you treat her right she'll do all that you ask of her. She's long and wide and stable and comfortable. She's definitely a Roxy.
I have a few cards left to send and a few small things to pick up sometime in the next week, but the majority of the cards and letters have been sent and two packages mailed off to opposite sides of the country. I am scheduled to close the store on Christmas Eve and open it the day after Christmas, but I get New Years Eve off, as well as a full weekend the first weekend of January. I'm looking forward to a few days off in a row.
I have yet to do the level of research that I typically do when it comes to a large purchase like a camera or a car or, in the case currently pending with me, a new laptop. I was very happy with my Toshiba until it unexpectedly died, but part of me wonders if a Mac might be a smart investment given I primarily use my computer for media. I have never been a fan of the Mac interface, but now that Windows and the Microsoft suite is compatible with Mac I think I need to do a lot more research. I have actually come to somewhat enjoy my lack of a computer, but I know in this day and age, and especially given my ongoing hunt for full-time employment, a computer is less of a luxury and more of a necessity.
I still have some work to do on this blog, which really means I have to get Justin to sit down and take another look at the HTML coding, but the small tweaks and personalizations are coming along.
This post has officially reached the point of rambling, so I think it may be time to wrap it up and say:
Love!
~g
I think the real spirit-killer is the parking lots. Why is it that, with a tad of snow and obscure parking stall markings, the general population feels it is acceptable to park willy-nilly, without any sense of maintaining straight lines or proper spacing between vehicles? Also, why do people suddenly feel is it alright to walk down the middle of the lane with their tiny, rambunctious children, ignoring the fact that a car's stopping time is greatly reduced on the slick surface of the snow?
Retail this time of year is not for the faint-hearted. The days are long, the customers stressed, and the sales plans ambitious and difficult to attain. Make sure you are nice to those serving you as you are buying your Christmas presents this year.
I'm learning many lessons about values and treatment of others through this job. I feel sorry for those customers who are harried and ragged and seemingly only at the mall and in our store because of some undesired obligation. I love working with those customers who are relaxed and happy and truly giving. Money can be spent and items can be bought and given, but all that really matters is the spirit in which all of this happens. So endeth the lesson of my retail job.
In other news, my car has a name. The name just came to me one day when I was coaxing my car to find some traction and start moving on the slick slush that followed the blizzard, and since then I have been referring to my car by the same name without thought. I figure the right name came to me at the right time and that I shouldn't argue or question. Henceforth, my forest green 1999 Chrysler LHS shall be known as Roxy.
Roxy's got a lot of weight to her but it doesn't hold her back. She's got amazing get-up-and-go and once she settles in and starts cruising she doesn't want to stop. She's got some attitude to her and will let you know if she's unhappy with something, but if you treat her right she'll do all that you ask of her. She's long and wide and stable and comfortable. She's definitely a Roxy.
I have a few cards left to send and a few small things to pick up sometime in the next week, but the majority of the cards and letters have been sent and two packages mailed off to opposite sides of the country. I am scheduled to close the store on Christmas Eve and open it the day after Christmas, but I get New Years Eve off, as well as a full weekend the first weekend of January. I'm looking forward to a few days off in a row.
I have yet to do the level of research that I typically do when it comes to a large purchase like a camera or a car or, in the case currently pending with me, a new laptop. I was very happy with my Toshiba until it unexpectedly died, but part of me wonders if a Mac might be a smart investment given I primarily use my computer for media. I have never been a fan of the Mac interface, but now that Windows and the Microsoft suite is compatible with Mac I think I need to do a lot more research. I have actually come to somewhat enjoy my lack of a computer, but I know in this day and age, and especially given my ongoing hunt for full-time employment, a computer is less of a luxury and more of a necessity.
I still have some work to do on this blog, which really means I have to get Justin to sit down and take another look at the HTML coding, but the small tweaks and personalizations are coming along.
This post has officially reached the point of rambling, so I think it may be time to wrap it up and say:
Love!
~g
Friday, December 18, 2009
New look
So, as you can see, things are a bit different around here.
In short, I got bored with my old template. I kept everything simple with the new look, but I like the colors and the subtle designs. And thanks to Justin's help with the HTML coding, my blog actually looks like what I want it to.
I'm sure there will be more to come as I continue to tweak, but for now, enjoy the prettiness.
Love!
~g
In short, I got bored with my old template. I kept everything simple with the new look, but I like the colors and the subtle designs. And thanks to Justin's help with the HTML coding, my blog actually looks like what I want it to.
I'm sure there will be more to come as I continue to tweak, but for now, enjoy the prettiness.
Love!
~g
Thursday, December 17, 2009
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