Life Rules

I was talking to a friend recently and in the course of the conversation said, "It's one of my rules for life." I found myself thinking about that statement after our conversation ended and I wondered how many of us have rules for life. I'm guessing all of us. But how many of us have actually thought about what those rules are, or taken the time to make the list real instead of just storing it in our head?

I do not claim to have life figured out, nor do I claim to live by my rules every single minute of every single day (isn't it the rule that rules are made to be broken sometimes?). Still, I have some general philosophies that I think I adhere to pretty well. The following are just some of my rules. How does my list compare to yours?

Celebrate small wins... doing so means life will always be going your way

Care deeply... despite the risk

Forgive quickly... no matter how hard it is

Hug... a lot

Sing loudly... even if you're off-key or flat

Recognize the blessings of simplicity... then even the most basic things will bring you joy

Don't be scared to say what you think and feel... it's the only way people will truly know you

Remember peace, joy, faith, hope, and love... these five things are all you really need

Accept others as they are... there is always a reason for why people are the way they are

Cherish family... no matter what

Trust in God... always

Love!

~g

Randomness

Don't even try to figure out the central theme or reason for this post... there isn't any. This post is nothing but a collection of completely unrelated thoughts, observations, and happenings.

I've been drinking a lot of iced tea lately. It tastes the best when it's made with filtered water.

Ice cream should be eaten out of a mug.

Giving a pregnant woman chocolate is guaranteed to make her happy. My manager is 30 weeks and practically inhales chocolate in any form.

A good customer of mine invited me to church with her for Easter. While I have other Easter plans, the invitation was quite heartwarming.

Gas is getting pretty expensive. It's a good reason to walk more.

I can hear Justin singing in the basement. He's got an excellent voice.

I'm currently reading "The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus" by John R. Cross. It's simplistic but quite interesting. And frankly, simple isn't all bad.

Tootsie Roll Frooties are quite yummy, although they really need to do away with the vanilla flavor.

I am actually quite proud of the restraint I have shown in regards to Cadbury Creme Eggs this year.

I'm noticing a lot of these statements revolve around food. I don't know what that indicates.

Skirts and dresses have been quite appealing to me lately. Apparently I want to dress like I live in the 1940s.

I am quite sure none of this is very interesting to anyone but me.

I have this weekend off. I am looking forward to it.

That's all I have to say for now. If you stuck with me, I'm impressed.

Love!

~g

MCR

Mentally Challenged Robin.

MCR lives in our yard. He spends his days eating insects and worms and in general being a basic bird. But he also spends a good portion of his day doing this repeatedly:

On occasion, I am a little saddened by how easily I am entertained.

Love!

~g

Acceptance

"I am more secure in who I am, in what I believe, and more content with myself than I can ever remember being."

In a recent exchange of messages with a friend I wrote the above words. I have thought of them ever since. For the first time in my adult life I am at peace with myself. I am comfortable expressing my thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. I am spending my time as I wish, be it alone or out with friends or running errands or attending church. I no long fear the reactions of others in regards to how I act, what I do, and how I think. I am just being me, fully, and I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

The timing of this new-found contentment is a bit odd, given what has been happening in my world, but at the same time is understandable for the same reason. All of the areas of my life over which I am personally involved (but not completely responsible for) seem to be in turmoil. Work is still filled with drama, my job search remains unproductive, and I continue to be the reigning queen of Singledom. Chaos is swirling all around me, but, rather than trying to exert my control-freak tendencies, I am fully calm. It's a new experience for me.

I have finally figured out that I can't control the world; I can only control myself. I am currently figuring out that by controlling myself, I am creating a ripple effect of peace and acceptance that is working on all of the upheaval surrounding me. The biggest lesson so far, though, has been the realization that the only control I truly have is the ability to recognize I don't really control anything, including myself.

I know, I know, I am talking in riddles and circles. But it makes sense to me. And really, this will make sense to most of you as well when I put it this way: "Thy will be done". The more I come to believe in the truth of those four words, the more I say and practice them, the more peaceful I become. However, I'm not just experiencing peace. I'm also experiencing what it is to actually accept and love myself as I am. I'm finally seeing in me what others have seen and loved all along.

I was recently complimented for my integrity. Not that long ago I never would have thought I possessed true integrity. Or rather, I never would have thought I had a particular set of morals or values that required integrity. Now I know I do.

I was recently complimented for my generosity. Not that long ago I never would have thought I was abundantly generous. Or rather, I never would have thought my generous acts were anything out of the ordinary. Now I know they are.

I was recently complimented for my kind heart. Not that long ago I never would have thought my heart was overly kind. Or rather, I never would have thought my choice to believe people are inherently good sets me apart from the cynicism and skepticism that surrounds us. Now I know it does.

Life is pretty awesome right now.

Love!

~g

Perception

I don't know why, but lately most everything, even the ordinary things, strike me as blessings. Perhaps I am developing a greater understanding of the world. Perhaps I am developing a greater understanding of myself. Perhaps it's both. Perhaps it's neither.

When I park further away from the door in the parking lot for extra exercise I'm thinking about how lucky I am that I have the ability to walk. When I listen to the spring birdsong I am grateful my ears work properly. When I'm squinting against the sun I am reminded how fortunate I am to see. When I wake in the middle of the night because I am too warm with all of my blankets I remember millions are sleeping unprotected outdoors, having no home or pillow to call their own.

My life is good. My life, simple as it is, consists of the things many dream and hope and pray for. I have a loving family. I have a home. I have a job that pays the bills and leaves a little left over. I am relatively healthy. I have good friends. I have experienced sorrow but never tragedy. I have nearly limitless choices regarding who I want to be and what I want my life to mean. I can speak as I want to speak and believe as I want to believe without fear of retribution or persecution. I have the freedom to travel where I like when I like. I can love whomever I want to love.

I am not so naive as to believe my life will always be this good. Trials will come. Suffering will occur. Difficult situations and decisions will present themselves. Hearts will break and tears will be shed. Pain, doubt, and anger will crowd out peace, trust, and joy. Faith will falter.

I pray that when life becomes hard I will remember to see the blessings. I hope I never become so selfish and self-involved that I stop looking outside myself. And may I always remember that true grace requires active practice.

Love!

~g

Small town living

I grew up in a small town. I've lived in mid-sized cities and extremely large metropolises and have done well, but I am a small town person at heart. And I am country at heart. I need trees. I need quiet (relative, of course). I need to be able to see the stars. You know that Dixie Chicks song that says, "I wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall"? That's me. I like space and openness.

Feeling as I do is not just because I was raised in a town with less than 2000 people. It's also from a childhood and summers spent treating the mountains of Colorado like my own personal play ground. It's from countless road trips with my parents and grandparents and the chance to experience all sorts of different people and lifestyles. And it's from spending several years living in the heart of Chicago.

Don't get me wrong, I want to travel extensively and see the world. I want to visit all of the large cities and small villages and everything in between. I want to experience everything life and this world have to offer, living my life actively rather than passively. But at the end of all of that I want to come home to a small town.

I took a walk through my town today. The size of my waistline, combined with the cost of gas, and a need to just be out led me to walk downtown to complete the errands I needed to do. Along the way I was passed by both the girls and boys high school track teams. They were out running the streets as part of their practice. The girls team was incredibly noisy, with all of the girls running in a large bunch and talking and laughing together. The boys team was much quieter and more spread out, with the true jocks about two blocks ahead of the adorably chubby kid who would alternate running a few steps and speed walking. I was reminded immediately of my high school days, of the fun and innocence and great expectations I had and it made me smile.

At the drug store the clerk and I chatted about the weather and the promise of spring and the great quote she had chosen for the chalk board in the wine section (something along the lines of "wine is the only gift that makes both the giver and the receiver look good"... hilarious and a little true). When she said she enjoyed chatting with me and thanked me for coming in I believed she actually meant it.

After the drug store I went next door to the post office. A man was inside and just about to open the door to leave when he saw me. He pulled open the door, held it for me, and responded to my thanks by looking me in the eyes and saying, "You're very welcome, ma'am" before smiling at me. A real gentleman, although I could have done without the ma'am. :)

I took a different route home and came across a lady out walking her dog. To make the passing easier I diverted to the street. Potentially misinterpreting my action, the owner informed me as we passed that her dog was friendly. I had met this particular dog once before, about 10 years ago, yet still remembered the dog's name is Snickers. So Snickers, her owner, and I stopped in the street to chat while Snickers and I became reacquainted.

I was enjoying my walk so when it came time to turn right and head home, I instead turned left and wound up at the public library. I used to live in the library, particularly in my elementary and middle school days. Back then the library was in the old fire station. It was cramped and packed to the gills and a wonderful place to just get lost for hours. The new library is much more modern and open, but in the end still full of books and still just as easy to get lost in. I ended up carrying home five books, checking them out under the account that was set up for me in 1993.

The route home took me past the nursing home. During 5th grade I volunteered quite a bit at that nursing home, spending my afternoons reading large-print editions of Reader's Digest aloud, playing board and card games, and trying to keep up with Flo. Flo was one of the nursing home's feistier residents. She would tell the most outlandish stories and could come up with the best pranks. The thing I remember most about her, though, is her glass eye. One of her favorite things to do was to pop out that eye and either attempt to frighten the kid volunteers (it only worked once on me) or hide the eye and make the nurses look for it (they didn't care so much for that). Good memories.

In the space of an hour today I interacted on a truly personal level with a handful of people and had a chance to reminisce about some very good times in my life. All because I live in a small town. Of course, you can interact on a truly personal level with people in a large city, too, but it's harder. You actually have to try in a large city. Here, it's just a natural way of life. I like that.

Wow, this turned into a rather long post about nothing in particular. :) I guess I just felt like writing today!

Love!

~g

Selections from my current playlist

What I've been up to

I've been pretty busy since Christmas. Honestly, I'm having trouble believing it's almost March. Time has just been flying by! To recap everything I've been doing would take way too long and result in a post that would be both a) a novel and b) not very interesting to most of you. So, the less detailed version is as follows...

Tomorrow I take my car in for an oil change that's 500 miles overdue. My last oil change was at the beginning of January. Now, I know certain members of my family regularly drive 3500 miles in less than two months, but my average time between oil changes is usually a bit longer. However, my travel schedule since the start of the new year looked like this:

Jan 7-10: Grace to Indiana

Jan 14-17: Bryan and Nolan in Iowa

Jan 29-31: Grace to Indiana

Feb 6-7: Grace and Bryan and Nolan met up in Illinois

Feb 25-27: Bryan in Iowa

So, obviously, Bryan and I have continued to see each other since Christmas. Given coordinating schedules and travel isn't exactly the easiest thing when the parties involved include a woman who has a different schedule from week to week and a man who works three jobs and cares for a 4-year-old, I'd say we've done pretty well in the past two months. Actually, in looking at how often we managed to see each other, I think we've done a fantastic job of juggling schedules and life in general. Throw in the fact that we've done all this travel at the worst time of year for driving and we start to seem super heroish. Go us.

For those that are curious, it's about a 7.5-8 hour drive from my place to Bryan's (approximately 450 miles one-way), depending on weather and stops, but it's interstate most of the way and honestly does not seem like such a long drive. Except for the road that takes you across Indiana. That's 110 miles of sheer torture. Seriously.

While I could write a lot about each trip, I won't bore you with the details of every visit. Suffice to say we've been having fun. I learned during the first January trip to Indiana that one should not attend a sporting event with someone who works at the sporting arena in which the event is held. Those camera guys scattered around the venue tend to focus on people they know when things like the Kiss Cam come up on the Jumbotron. Oi. Another visit involved more time spent at the fire station, similar to Christmas, and making supper for Bryan's crew. I went with the tried-and-true, male-tested-and-approved, meat-and-potato dinner. With cheesecake for dessert. If I was being put to the test at all I am sure I passed. Although I can't take all of the credit, since Bryan helped me cook.

This coming weekend we were supposed to be seeing Bryan's brother's band play at a place in Cedar Falls, but their show was cancelled. Instead, it looks like we'll be spending that evening with some of my friends. We're thinking about dinner and bowling. I'm so old-fashioned.

Two things have become apparent with all of these trips. The first is that whenever we have plans to see each other it is going to snow and one or both of us is going to end up driving in some pretty hazardous conditions. The second is that some type of emergency is likely to happen. I think the universe knows when Bryan is around to help. He thinks I'm bad luck.

My first trip to Indiana we were on our way home from a museum when we came upon a 3-car accident that had just happened. Although he was technically off-duty, Bryan is a first responder and it's in his nature and training to check out things like that. His SUV is equipped with the emergency lights and radios, so he turned on the lights and called in the accident before getting out to see if everyone was alright. Bryan's son and I stayed in the truck. We stuck around until the police, fire engine, and ambulance arrived then continued on with our plans.

Bryan's first trip to Iowa involved an elderly woman passing out in church two pews behind us. The pastor was in the middle of his sermon when he realized the lady was having trouble, so he stopped to inquire if there were any doctors or nurses present. Bryan, who I swear was half asleep, was up and out of the pew before I even had time to fully turned around. He got the lady lying down, elevated her feet, and she eventually woke up. Church was cut short that day, letting out once the fire engine and ambulance arrived (are you seeing a theme here?). Once again, I sat and watched. Geez, I'm making myself sound pretty useless. The lady was fine, by the way. Her blood pressure had just dropped really low. I guess people passing out in church is a common thing, at least according to Bryan. It was a first for me.

On to other topics. I am happy to report that once again we have a full staff at work. The management position we've had open since November was filled a little over two weeks ago. This means less stress for our team, less strain on the Cedar Falls team since we were using two of their managers to help in our store on a regular basis, and more time off! Although we had only been officially short-staffed since November, the other manager and I have really been running the store since last February. It's been a year of drama and stress and we're both happy it seems to be ending. We're gearing up for our huge semi-annual sale in the middle of March, but really we're not too worried about that. Dani and I are both veterans of this particular event.

I continue to search and apply for jobs, but for the time being I'm not getting responses. It seems C & B is where I am supposed to be for the moment. I am learning an awful lot about patience.

I had to utilize my new health insurance just days after it went into effect. I came down with a sinus infection and bronchitis at the beginning of February. Rest, antibiotics, and lots of fluids seem to have done the trick and I am once again healthy, although already not looking forward to next February. This is two years in a row I've gotten sick with a respiratory thing in February. At least I'm predictable.

I do believe those are the highlights. Save for all of the travel, my life is really pretty uneventful and boring.

I hope this finds everyone healthy and happy!

Love!

~g

Adulthood

The purpose of this post is simply an announcement:

For the first time in my life I have health insurance that is not the result of my parents' jobs but rather the product of my own work and sacrifice. After 13 months of being uninsured, my health/dental/vision plans took effect at midnight on February 1.

Holy crap, I'm an adult.

I've been doing a lot of travelling these past few weeks. More to come on those trips/visits soon.

Love!

~g

What is love?

What is conservative? What is liberal? What is the difference in holding others to a higher standard and pushing your beliefs on others? At what point does having morals and values interfere with having an open mind and accepting differences? How does one discern between compromising and settling? What is the real meaning of love?

I have had a lot on my mind lately.

The last question is really the most important since it gave rise to the others. After a lot of thought I've come to a conclusion that I was already mostly aware of: I can be a difficult person to love.

That's not to say I'm a bad person or that I am any less deserving of love as the next person, only that sometimes I'm not the easiest person to love and that can be hard on those who do love me. I don't think I am at all extraordinary in this regard; perhaps the extraordinary thing is that I am aware of many of the things that make it hard to always love me. Woohoo for self reflection and being honest with oneself! There's nothing like being forced to really examine the person you've become. It can feel like a root canal performed without Novocaine. For the last few weeks, in particular, I have spent a significant amount of time in the metaphorical dentist's chair and the pain killers have been in short supply.

In just the last week alone I have experienced a wide range of emotions. I have laughed. I have cried. I have been nauseated. I have been lonely. I have been angry. I have have been incredibly sad. I have been nervous. I have been impatient. I have felt at peace. And I have been utterly exhausted.

Why am I such a difficult person to love? It's simply because I demand as much from those who love me as what I give in return. Fair? Some may say no, but I think it is. I have been accused of being too idealistic and for living in a fantasy land. I have been accused of asking too much of others. I guess "accused" is not really the correct term since I really am pretty idealistic and I really do ask a lot of others.

I want a lot out of life. I know reality will interfere, that plans will change, and that there are infinite amounts of shades of grey. Still, that doesn't mean I can't strive for what I want and hopefully get something close to the ideal. The thing I want the most from life is to love and be loved.

I have a very specific idea of what true love looks like. Perhaps it's because I grew up watching Disney movies or perhaps it's because I've read too many romance novels, but I prefer to think it's because I have seen wonderful examples of real love from members of my family and from my friends.

To me love is the most wonderful gift you can give someone and receive in return. It is powerful and consuming. It forsakes all others. It is committed, passionate, faithful, loyal, patient, accepting, considerate, joyous, peaceful, hopeful, exciting, and content. It's seeing the flaws in another person and choosing to not focus on them. It's putting the needs of someone else over your own. It's honoring and respecting another individual's thoughts, emotions, and desires. It's being supportive even when the support is not easy to give. In short, true love is incredibly selfless and requires a great deal of sacrifice. When all written out, it doesn't sound too pleasant. It sounds like loving someone takes a lot from a person. In all honesty, that's true. But if the person you love gives you back the same kind of love, then you lose nothing and gain everything.

That's the kind of love I give, so that's the type of love I demand. And that's why I can be hard to love. But I truly believe that I deserve the type of love I have described, so it's one thing I refuse to compromise or settle on. What I really need to work on is believing that I am worthy of love.

So there you go, my thoughts on love. It's been quite the week for me so far as philosophical matters go. And that's enough for one post.

Love!

~g